Lessons "Sitting in Bars with Cake" Taught Me

Posted by Precious Jewel on

Hey beautiful! Welcome back to one of my public essays. It has been such a long time since I have released one of these. I hope you'll enjoy :)

These past few years have honestly been the most peaceful years of my life. Everyone has their challenges of course, and the challenges of adulthood itself (bills, tasks, labour) can be a doozy but overall I've had what some may consider a "soft life." My life was filled with peace, tranquility, intentionality, love, connectedness, and togetherness. My days were filled with two hour hot girl walks for mental clarity, journaling, watching comfort shows and sometimes making content out of them, going out with friends, weekend trips to the farmers market, sitting by the water, lifting and pilates stretches, art, romantic date nights, curating my pinterest, gentle hugs, cute drinks, laughter, joking, long phone calls, food, nourishment, concerts, hosting, comedy shows, biking, day trips, dancing, dressing up, blogging, rest, and connectedness. 
These past few months, however, have been quite the opposite. Overworking, disappointments, changes, chaos, the end of connections, and loss of sleep was a little more present than I have become accustomed to these last few years. Although not totally bad (a lot of good has come from these past few months as well), I knew I needed a full weekend break--not just for one day but for the entire weekend. Rest, lounging, and laziness is the weekend I desired. So, I declined my invitations, went on my walks, purchased milkshakes for the children in the area, and lounged around watching a few new films. I finally got around to watching Sitting In Bars With Cakes.
Sitting in Bars With Cakes is based on Shulman's 2016 book of the same name and inspired by true events. Its plot follows talented but shy baker Jane and her best friend Corinne who convinces her to bring cakes to bars to help her build confidence, but when Corinne receives a brain cancer diagnosis, their lives change. The film was a total tearjerker so of course I had a good sob. Full of heart and humor, the film celebrates the power of friendship. It is a reminder that even when life gets tough, there is always someone available to support you. I will now be adding the film to potential films you may watch with your girlfriends. Here is what the film taught me:
1. Be Intentional With Others
I read this tweet over the weekend and absolutely loved it! It reminded me of some of my friendships, romantic relationships and familial relationships. 
Last September I attended a treehouse party. While purchasing flowers for the birthday girl, over the phone she said "we have wine here." After arriving I joked that I was on a diet and she replied "I actually purchased the wine for you. The rest of us aren't drinking it. I know you will not drink what we're drinking." It was HER birthday and she considered my tastes. The beautiful gesture made me realize not only how intentional my small circle is but it encouraged me to continue being more intentional with them as well. This could be said for my friends, family and even bfs. Each of them make it count.
During the recent pageant I hosted, the emcee paused for a moment to present a surprise gift my family had for me. The basket had some of my favorite items including a new robe (to know me is to know I adore cute sleepwear!!). If someone purchases a gift for me, even if it's small, it will be pink, feminine, or something self-care related like a spa giftcard because those are the things I love. I am intentional with others so they are intentional with me in return. 
Jane was really intentional with Corrine. Corrine was intentional with Jane. Although sick, Corrine insisted that Jane finish cakebarring so that Jane may get out of her introverted comfort zone and also so that Jane may meet guys. It reminded me of my experience two weeks ago. The girls and I went to the casino with live music and I was dared to dance with the first guy that asked to dance. He happened to be about 60+ years old but I'm a girl who likes fun and a dare is a dare. 
Jane was really intentional about making sure Corrine took her medications, was transported and had someone present during her appointments, and made sure her daily tasks were completed.
Gestures such as these have taught me to be intentional about curating a circle of those who are intentional with me and others in their lives. This unfortunately means possibly removing those who happen to be careless. 
2. Never Force Connections 
Throughout the film Jane crushes on the trainee, Owen, another employee she delivers mail to. When she realizes he actually likes her after spending some time together, she discovers that he isn't exactly what she wants. Jane states "I just wanted to see if someone could like me to prove that I can be liked and like myself." Jane attempted to make someone like her so that she may like herself. 
I was once one of those girls who questioned other women's self-esteem when they attempted to force a guy to like them or do right by them. "Ewwww could never be me," I'd think. Joke's on me. I too, have done this as well--- just not romantically. The truth is, many of us have probably done this at some point, whether romantically, with a coworker we want to like us after disliking us for no apparent reason or even trying to force a familial related relationship with someone who just isn't very interested. Sometimes we have to realize we are not every person's cup of tea and that is ok. It does not make us or them a bad person. There are so many other beautiful, loving, kind-hearted people in this world who will love, desire, and appreciate our presence. Go find them <3.
3. Spit it Out Girl!!!
Get to the issue. In one scene, Jane and Corrine begin arguing. Corrine jokingly convinces Jane to upgrade her plain jane lingerie before she began sorting through new lingerie for Jane to purchase. Jane immediately gets annoyed and the girls get into a fight. Jane wasn't actually annoyed about the lingerie, or even having to properly wash Corrine's lingerie on delicate, or even Corrine not taking the lint out of the dryer like she stated. She is angry that her friend is dizzy and sick, which is taking a toll on her. She loves her friend and just wants her to get better. 
The scene taught me to get to the root of the problem. Sometimes we get upset--or annoyed--or angry---or bothered with others and rarely state the ACTUAL reason as to why we are upset. Never be afraid to be vulnerable enough to state your concern. 
4. Pour Into Your Community 
For some, their community is small. Others have a very large community. Whether we like it or not, we all NEED community. You may be a new mom, someone who is sick, someone who just moved to a new city, or someone who is elderly. Each of us need community.
During our last bookclub session, I asked my ladies how are they pouring into their community. Each of us shared our responses and I was delighted to hear the feedback. We all need those in our lives who can be there for us, offer encouragement, share our joys with, share our successes with, and be open with. Everyone finds these people in different spaces: church, among family, social clubs, employment, school, or even hobbies and activities. Whether they are in our lives for a lifetime or only a season, we need individuals who will pour into us and who we ourselves may pour into as well.
It was very clear that Corrine had that community. 
5. Appreciate, Cherish, and Remember Small Moments with Others
Corrine and Jane had plenty of intimate and lovely moments together. Hugs, secret sharing, crying, sorting medicine, wearing wigs, hospital visits, exchanges of "I love you", and even singing their hearts out together. 
Not only should we create intimate moments with those we love, but we should cherish them. We do not always get to experience one another for a very long time.
Did you ladies enjoy the film? What did you take from it?

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